I am going to preface this by saying I’m happy just to be able to hang out with friends/see people. I’m usually running around so much during the year that I don’t get the chance to see everyone or do stuff with people, so it’s nice to see old friends, y’know?
Today was supposed to be a 15 hour workday. I wound up calling in sick for the last job. I could feel a migraine stirring up, and although I managed to nip it in the bud before it escalated, I knew it’d only be exacerbated if I did go in. The manager seemed to understand enough. It’s been about six or eight months - maybe more, I can’t quite remember - since my last migraine. I don’t recall any during last semester, so perhaps almost a year. A good track record for me, either way.
I wound up spending my free evening online for a bit. Then a little of Walking Dead while picking up my work area, make it useable again. Technically the whole house needs it (all 40+ library books and some folded laundry have taken over the couch, there’s a pile on the floor, dishes in the sink, etc.), but one space at a time. I’m trying to finish the work I started to put in my portfolio for the company I mentioned in the last post, and I’m having a hard time focusing. It’s hard to focus with this set up, even though it’s the same as before. Suddenly there’s too much in my peripheral vision, too many things that can distract. I can’t adjust the brightness of the screen. Hurts my eyes right now when usually it doesn’t. Might be because of the headache earlier, but who knows. I just feel…
Just. I dunno’. A little numb. Caffeine doesn’t really help much and it’s hard to focus when things feel fuzzy. But I have to try. Keep moving. Keep doing. There’s still a chance - smaller than before, but if anything, it just means more work for my portfolio, which is always good, right?
We take a moment and cry. Get it out now, pick ourselves up, and move on. Roll with the tide. Right?
I’m not the happiest right now. Can’t say I was before, either.
But I’m still here. And I’m still willing to fight.
I might be down now, but sometimes you have to fall before you rise up. I’ve already hit rock bottom - been climbing up a bit more ever since. There’s going to be the occasional slip - always is - but in the end, you can go beyond where you were before you fell. The question is if you’re willing to do it.
I close the store tonight, which means i won’t be out ‘til 11:15-11:30. Gonna’ drop into a party I was invited to on Lido for an hour or so since I can’t stay long ‘cause we have a mandatory meeting from 8-10AM the next morning on Sunday. And then I work from 3-10PM later that day. For the start of my 60+ hour work week.
I’m just going to sit over here and be a big ball of hate for a bit.